Let's start in church. Captioning the liturgy remains hilarious. This week saw "blessed be the hands" rendered as "placid beaver hands". I for one welcome our calming and oddly dextrous Canadian overlords. The bisyllabic "blessed" caused further trouble as the earthly father of the Messiah became "blistered Joseph". Dude should really put some myrrh on that. Epistle names fared no better - we had "the lessor of Paul to the Romans". Read that carefully - not "lesser", but the suggestion that Paul may be the Romans' rent boy. It's a living. Things took an astrological turn when Dragon rendered Alleluia as "as a Leo". Strangely I don't remember "what's your sign?" being part of the responsorial psalm. Creeds grew equally problematical - Dragon knows how to shorten personal titles, so "profess your resurrection" mutated into "Prof Resurrection", who I'm copyrighting right now as an awesome cape-wearing Marvel villain. "God of hosts" is admittedly a slightly archaic phrasing, but "lot of posts" just doesn't seem like something worth chanting about. A bit of mischief from Dragon - during one of the more fire-and-brimstone Old Testament readings, "O wicked ones" was heard as "but we did once". We'll always have Paris, Dragon. Finally, the best yet of the multitude of mishearings for Holy Spirit - "wholly spurious". Oh Dragon, you New Atheist you.
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| And every breath we drew was as a Leo. |
In the live news this week, lots of colourful unscripted dialogues with lots of Middle East correspondents. I discovered that Dragon panics when you stutter during the word "Palestinian," and makes an educated guess you mean "phallus". Thankfully I intercepted that little gem before it hit the civilian population. A little later Dragon made the Israeli position far less morally suspect, by suggesting Netanyahu has been killing "non-competence". Well, that's a relief.
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| Dragon hides among non-competence. |
Victorian weather forecasts took an oddly culinary turn. Melbourne was in for "quite a walnut" in lieu of a warm night, and the city of Ballarat was misheard as à la rat.
Quickly wrapping up with a mixed bag of Mishaps: a man off the coast of Florida "bitten by a Shah", a seventh German goal "adding in Seoul to injury" (I don't think Korea's that bad myself), pensioners and minimum wage earners "struggling just to get high," and World Cup celebrations in the Argentine city of "bonus arrows."
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| La Flecha |
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